1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
