So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
