I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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