6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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