I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
