I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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