Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
