i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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