Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
