so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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