Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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