he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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