One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
