hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
