Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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