It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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