Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
