Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My cat gives me a boner
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
