I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
