Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
