So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
