I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
