HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
