i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
