Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
