here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You made out with two different species that night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
