Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
