"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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