Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
