I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize