the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
