I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
