i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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