did you get engaged???
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
