i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
