do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
