apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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