she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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