I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize