and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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