with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
