You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
