My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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