i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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