..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
