just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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