I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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