I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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