if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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