those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
