I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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