Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
