yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He had one of those small greek statue penises
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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