Only a mothe r could love this liver
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
