worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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