Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
