Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
