You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
